This was that overdue long post I was referring to earlier.
Today was a weird day. In that it was both one of the best days I have had in a long time, and also one of the worst. I find it astounding the ways in which life throws things your way.
Even though this is an online diary as I call it, there are some details I do not wish to share with the world (I use that term very loosely because I am well aware that few people read this) and I feel that this is one of them, and I want to address this first, generally. I received some of the worst news I have heard in a very long time today and it sunk my heart. Upon hearing this news, it made me wonder the true purpose of this stupid life and it made me temporarily hate everything. The reason I am writing this out is because this outlet of rambling makes me pull the good out of my life - that was its purpose, and that's what it has done for me today. Instead of instantly seeking the worst possible outcome, I forced myself to think of the best. To tell myself that everything will be okay. And I believed it.
I wonder how I've done this. Because anyone who knows me, knows I am a fairly pessimistic person. But I think, upon having further thought about it, maybe it's because instead of just telling myself to think this way, I have to conjure up the words I need to tell myself and physically write (type) them.
Whatever the reason, I don't care at the moment. Being prematurely optimistic is much better than prematurely jumping to the worst possible conclusion. If for no other reason, because even if things don't work out the very best possible way, I would have only prolonged my misery.
On to the good. Which I will also not discuss in much detail, for the same reason I mentioned above but I do want to write.
I only have two favorite musicians. Oliver Dragojevic and Lana Del Rey. I have never seen either of them live and I get to see both of them in May, crossing off two things from my lengthy bucket list. I bought my Lana Del Rey tickets today and am going with two of my loves and I am so excited. It's odd that simply buying tickets to see someone sing live can create so much pleasure. But, I'll take it without complaints. I then went out for dinner and drinks and a very long walk and had a wonderfully perfect evening out, from start to finish. And I forgot what that felt like. I forgot butterflies, I forgot instantaneous connection, I forgot excitement and ease, and I forgot that I deserve it.
Sometimes, life hits you in the face with a fucking 2x4 and it really hurts. And sometimes it can create a feeling inside you that makes you instantly grateful for the pleasure of being alive. Somehow, I got to experience both today, and a big part of that really sucked but the better part of me chose to be happy instead of sad and, even if that doesn't last for very long, to follow the theme of this blog: I am grateful for it.
Song of the day: National Anthem - Lana Del Rey
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